“I’m fine!”

Two simple words, yet over the years, experience has taught us that they often mean the complete opposite.

You’ve heard it from a spouse, your children, your parents, or even a colleague. And depending on the situation, your response, or lack of one, could lead to an uncomfortable silence, a trip to the florist, or weeks of damage control.

While this phrase can sometimes be the result of a bad day at the office or frustration over a football team losing, when an elderly person says it, it deserves special attention.

What they’re trying to hide isn’t just frustration, it could be a decline in health, mobility, or independence. Left unchecked, this could have serious consequences.

So, in this edition of The Independence Guide, we’re diving into the psychology behind this common response and exploring practical strategies to help older adults feel comfortable accepting support, without feeling like they’re losing their independence.

Why do people use it to hide their true feelings?

1. Independence is a Core Part of Identity

For many older adults, independence isn’t just about managing daily tasks. It’s about who they are.

Over the years, they’ve built careers, raised families, and tackled life’s challenges on their own. Self-sufficiency is a badge of honour, and admitting to difficulties can feel like losing a part of that identity.

Saying “I’m fine” becomes a way to hold on to control, even if they’re quietly struggling.

2. A Lifetime of “Getting On With It”

Older generations were raised to value resilience. Many grew up in times when asking for help was seen as a last resort rather than a natural part of life.

For them, self-sufficiency isn’t just practical, it’s a deeply ingrained value. Saying “I’m fine” isn’t always about hiding struggles – sometimes, it’s a habit they’ve carried for decades.

3. Fear of Vulnerability and Stigma

Admitting to difficulties can feel like losing control, and for many, there’s a fear of being judged.

• They don’t want to be seen as frail or incapable

• They worry that accepting help might lead to losing their independence altogether

• They don’t want to become a burden on loved ones

By saying “I’m fine”, they avoid these fears , even if it means struggling in silence.

4. The Psychology of Denial

For some, denial is a way to cope. Acknowledging struggles means facing the reality that things have changed, and that can be overwhelming.

Saying “I’m fine” helps them maintain a sense of normality, even if it’s just a short-term comfort.

5 Strategies to Encourage Support Without Resistance

So, how do we help without overstepping boundaries?

Here are a few ways to make support feel like an enhancement, not a loss:

• Acknowledge their independence first – Let them know you respect their self-sufficiency before offering help.

• Reframe the conversation – Instead of focusing on what they “can’t do”, highlight how small changes can help them continue doing what they love.

• Give them control – Ask what support they’d feel comfortable with rather than assuming. Choice is key to maintaining dignity.

• Use positive examples – Share stories of others who’ve embraced help and are now enjoying a more independent lifestyle.

• Be patient – Resistance doesn’t mean rejection forever. Keep the conversation open without pressure.

Final Thoughts

The phrase “I’m fine” is rarely just about how someone feels, it’s about how they want to feel.

By approaching these conversations with understanding and respect, we can help older adults see that accepting support isn’t giving up independence, it’s protecting it.